Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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