Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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