I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
