I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
