she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
