No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
