yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
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Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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