UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
