i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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