i don't like sucking hair
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
