I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
