it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He better not be in your backpack
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
