My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
