Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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