i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
