Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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I want to be your penis for a week.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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