Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
