you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
