There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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