Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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