We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
