Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
