Farmville is her only friend.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
