Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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