everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
