GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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