I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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