Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
