yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
