new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
