I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
