dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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