I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
