bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
