just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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