Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
