Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
