I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
