I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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