I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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