Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
