I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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