Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
