I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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