Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was like eating out sand paper
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
