you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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