WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
