I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Someone came in the potted fern
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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