I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have post one night stand depression
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