just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
