That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
