You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
