Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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