Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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