Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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