i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
