Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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