I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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