the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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