We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
