No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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