The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
