Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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