i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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