Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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