oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You can't just leave with hair like that
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
