it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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