just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
