Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
