The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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