He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
