I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
