I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
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I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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