Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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